Jack Daniels and Me

Today the Fool was going to rant on the word "boss", but midway through the post, I thought of my original post, which

was professional drinking. Now at this point I should state that the Fool has nothing against drinking, alcohol that is. But as the fool has discovered through the years, a lot of you Negroes don't know a damn thing about professional drinkers. As a matter of fact, professional drunks are a secret that nobody wants to talk about, be you black, white, brown or yellow.

I really hate referring to Orientals as yellow. It brings to mind a banana. Can some one think of a new color, because there are some Oriental women out there that the Fool would work two jobs for plus overtime and sell the few worldly goods that he has for just one look at the Secret of Fu Manchu. Don't get the fool wrong now, there are a lot of black women out there that makes the old taliwhacker stand up and salute.

But I digress. Anyway, for those of you who don't know, there are more than two types of drinkers. The so-called social drinker. Wait a minute the fool was laughing so hard while typing, he rolled down the hill. Social drinker? Ahhaaaa ha. Social drinker. What a joke. What a bunch of bullshit. Social drinker is just a polite way of saying alcoholic and you "social drinkers" are included in this post under the word "drunk".

What people who drink or are around drunks fail to tell you is: their drunken behavior is who they really are. That old excuse of: "I was drunk and didn't mean it." or "I don't remember what happened. Or "Did I say/ do that? It was just the liquor talking." This is a damn lie. Alcohol loosens inhibitions. Alcohol removes the walls that people place in their minds to get along with the rest of humanity. I guarantee you that if your wife or husband or girlfriend or whatever, punks you out when drunk or says some really shitty things to you, then you can make book that this is how they really feel. Everything else is a lie. And if you can't see it, then you are an accomplice in that lie.

Which brings me to the professionals. If you aspire to be a professional alcoholic, here are the rules you must adhere to:

1. You must eat. Preferably before or during drinking. Nuts are great because of the salt. That's why bars put them out. Pretzels are good too.
2. Stick to one drink.
3. Do not do shots. It screams drunk and amateur. Yeah they all laugh and egg you on. That's because you are the clown of the moment. Learn to sip. You are in this for the long haul.
4. Avoid mixed drinks. This is just the fools personal opinion. Besides, drinks with sugar and soda really screws with your digestive system. Keep your mixing to either water or ice. Your body will thank you.
5. Know Your Limit. I can't stress this enough. Your body will give you signs. Listen to them. Being drunk out of your mind may seem hilarious to you at the time and funny to your "friends", but it can have some dire consequences that you might not want to deal with down the road.

As a professions alcoholic, the fool drinks because he enjoys it. I don't drink to get along or be popular. I hate being around sloppy drunks; men or women, because they, as a rule tend to get out of hand and act really, really ignant. (that's not a typo)

If you drink to the point where you forget what happened while you were drunk, then it's time to STOP. You're killing your brain. If, while you were drinking and got into your car and drove home, but don't remember how you got there, then it's time to evaluate the situation. Cars do not have automatic pilot and this time something was watching over you. Next time, that something might be on break or checking out for the day.

The fool has NEVER had an accident because of alcohol. I keep my shit tight. So should you.

Ladies! Please. In your unending quest for external stimuli and the "bad boy", if your going to get shit faced drunk, have enough sense to do it around someone you can trust. Be very careful of men you call "friends", because they can turn out to be your baby's daddy. And you won't have remembered shit. Have a look at the end of my post titled "Lilly."